The perennial challenge in the question of how to be caring, supportive and loving is that you and I are always individuals with needs and desires and we’re always part of a group with needs and desires.
Sometimes we need to serve ourselves first and sometimes it’s best to focus on the needs of someone else.
We are each responsible for ourselves, our perceptions, our happiness, our goals… and, at the same time, we’re a member of a family, a church, a company, a team, a choir, a neighborhood, an apartment building, a business club or network…of multiple groups at any one time.
It gets complicated. Who should I take care of? You or me?” Does it have to be one or the other? Well, both need to be taken care of equally so the question on any given day is…
Which, in this instance, is the direction I should give top priority?
My values are my compass and I’ve learned to set my direction by that.
I think we all know in our heart that when we say yes to something that’s not right for us or no to something out of petulant selfishness, we feel pretty rotten.
I’ve watched clients and friends try to keep going without using their own compass….losing their way and creating stress, anxiety and cumulative body tension leading to all sorts of health issues.
Sometimes, we need to stand our ground even at the irritation of someone else. That’s character building. We also need to keep in mind that there are times when we will definitely seek group or community support and it will be given to us readily only if we are perceived as genuinely caring.
We are built to be self-serving…in a fair and balanced way. How we play that out in any given situation now affects our future chance of survival as a welcome member of the tribe.
Your life and mine – personal or business – just might depend on it.
Remembering that needs and wants can be very different, the daily question is “How in this moment can I be kind to myself while honoring the needs of other?”
Let me know in the comments how you manage this.
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